Beep! Beep!

Song: Grey Street - Dave Matthews band
Quote: Nothing ever happens by chance. Everything happens for a reason. Your brain may not know the reason. Your brain may never figure it out. But your heart knows. Your heart always knows. - Brothers in Arms, Margaret Weis and Don Perrin

I'm buying a jeep tomorrow. It's a 1999 Wrangler. Not too bad of a price, and it's automatic. - No worries about driving it. The boy will still be teaching me how to drive stick so that when I pay this one off I can upgrade to a manual jeep. But for now this one will serve its purpose. It has four wheel drive and a hard top and it's not white!! I hate white cars. Yes I know my last car was white and that was the only thing I did not like about it. The last two cars and two trucks that my family has owned were white. Of course this all still hinges on getting credit approval for the loan. Keep fingers crossed.

Keeper of the Stars

I realized today while car hunting with the boy that six months ago today(May 29) was the day I met him. We met in a bar (we both swore we would never date anyone we met at a bar), and we went for our first "date" the next night. It was a three hour motorcycle ride, with me on the back of the bike holding onto him. I've been holding on ever since.

THE KEEPER OF THE STARS (Tracy Byrd)
It was no accident me finding you
Someone had a hand in it
Long before we ever knew
Now I just can't believe you're in my life
Heaven's smiling down on me
As I look at you tonight
I tip my hat to the keeper of the stars
He sure knew what he was doing
When he joined these two hearts
I hold everything
When I hold you in my arms
I've got all I'll ever need
Thanks to the keeper of the stars

bad jokes and homework

Song: Sail Those Same Oceans - 30 Odd Foot of Grunts
Quote: An Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scot walk into a grimy little bar and order a beer apiece. Each finds a fly in the beer. The Englishman grimaces in disgust and pushes the beer away. The Irishman shrugs, flicks the fly out of the beer with his finger and drinks. The Scot scowls ferociously, picks the fly up by the wings and shakes it violently, shouting: "Spit it owt, ye wee bahsturd!"

So I went Kareoke-ing with the boy and his parents on Saturday night. He loves to do it and so does his mother. His father and I just sat there and listened. Actually I sat at the table and sang and the boy kept telling me that I should go up and sing. Ummm... NO. I can dance in front of people and act like a real goofball, but if I have to sing, all of a sudden my vocal cords clamp up and not a sound comes out. But it was a fun night. The boy sang "She Thinks My Tractors Sexy" a song that I really don't like, but he has a really good voice, so it sounded good. He also sang "Watermelon Crawl", his mother sang "Country Roads" and "Leaving On a Jet Plane".

I got up early to do more homework, because the four hours I spent on it last night were no where near enough. The only problem is that I'm not a morning person, so getting motivated enough to do this early in the morning is really hard for me.

Guess I'll go get dressed and go over to the boys house for a while. Then I'll come home and do more homework. Yippie.

sleepless nights

Quote: Drown out my dreams. Keep me from remembering whatever wants me to remember it. - The Last Unicorn

I'm not really a person to stay down for a long time. Normally I can kick a funk in a few days. But everything that has happened this week has strained my nerves. Besides the ongoing problems with my father, my mother seems like she still thinks I'm 15. I know she loves me and is just worried about me, but sometimes it's enough to drive a person batty. She and I had a huge fight last night and it always disturbs me when she and I fight. She and I are both stressed about the situation with my father and this accident has not helped any. She never thought I was a good driver to begin with and this accident is just more fuel for the fire. Sometimes it feels like I'm suffocating on her worries. She seems to think that my car buying decision is mostly the boy telling me what I should get. She doesn't want me to get stick shift, and they boy says that an automatic jeep is junk. Now the boy knows his cars and he's willing to teach me to drive stick. So if I buy a manual jeep my mother thinks I've let the boy take over my brain. And if I buy an automatic jeep the boy thinks I'm an idiot for throwing money away on a car that "will be broken in 4 years". All I want is a damn jeep that I can drive and afford. I really don't need all of this stress right now with finals coming up soon. Too much homework and too much stress. Makes a girl want to pull her hair out.

clutch... shift... brake... GO!

Song: Some Girls Do - Sawyer Brown
Quote: But my dreams, they aren't as empty, as my conscience seems to be... - Behind Blue Eyes, The Who

Happy Turkey Day everyone.
I'm damn tired. Last night the boy and I went to see Emily's Toybox. We had a great time, but we didn't go to sleep until probably 4 am. Then he gets me out of bed at 9 to start to teach me to drive stick. I never really learned how; I've had three people try to teach me. But he took me out anyway and taught me in a parking lot and then took me on some back roads. He said I did really well, but it's a lot more to remember than just driving an automatic. Oh the reason for this last minute lesson is because I found a used jeep that I can afford. But it's stick shift. It's in amazing condition, kinda old - 92, but the boy looked under the hood and under the vehicle and didn't see anything wrong with it. I wasn't able to test drive it, cause we were looking at 9 at night. I REALLY want this car, but I really need to learn stick.
My mother says I should just buy another automatic. The boy says automatic jeeps are crap. I think I really just want my car.

Bad day again...

Song: Make me Believe - Godsmack
Quote: Character is doing the right thing when nobody's looking. - JC Watts

I had a piss poor day. My stomach is in knots about everything that has happened lately. Where am I going to get the money for a new vehicle? I really don't know, I could afford something really cheap, but I don't want cheap, I want a jeep. (beep beep). I have doctor bills coming, I have tuition; all kinds of wonderful things that need money.
My father still is not talking to me. (long and complicated story) He hasn't spoken to me since June. You would think the fact that I could have died on Saturday would have at least gotten him to ask me if I was ok. But no, not a word. He will ask my mother, but not me. My brother has decided to pick today to pick on every word that I said. And last but certainly not least, Hawke was in a car accident today. She is fine and so is her son, but now she's in the same boat I am in, but with less money than I have.
Thank the stars for the boy.

rolling

Quotes: Luck, often enough will save a man if his courage hold. - 13th Warrior
Still alive? - The Gods must have a sense of humor. - The Gods must love you. - Gladiator

I rolled my car on Saturday. I was driving to the boy's house when I lost control of the car and went backwards up an embankment and then rolled the car back down it. My car landed on its tires and I was able to drive it back up the road to a spot where I could safely pull off the road. I then called the boy, who, along with his parents came and got me and my car and took me back to their house. Amazingly, I don't have a scratch on me. I only have a bruise on my shoulder from where the seatbelt dug into it. I managed to dent every panel of the car except for the three doors. I didn't break any windows, except the plastic that was on the soft top. Somehow both of my side view mirrors managed to survive as well. The grill was not missing after the accident, however in order to fix the headlight that was smashed the boy had to take it off. Once he got the grill off, it decided that it did not want to fit back on. So now my happy little car looks very sad and decrepit. It is also a lot tougher than most people gave it credit for. It is still drivable, but it is doubtful that it will pass inspection.
But like the boy said "It's just a car, what's important is that you are ok."

froud in 3d

Song: Will the Wolf Survive – Waylon Jennings
Quote: I didn’t fall in love with you because of sex. I liked you from the beginning. The fact that the sex is so good is just a bonus.

Hmmm… called off from work this morning. Today was my short day, only five hours, and then I have class. I have holiday hours coming next week so I figured today would be a good day to call off. The amount of work that I have to do in the next few weeks is frightening. So, I let myself sleep in a little (I couldn’t resist) and I got up and worked for three hours until I had to leave for class. After class I went to diner with some friends and now here I am again working on homework.
::::: an hour later :::::
Ok, I now have the beginnings of a Brian Froud goblin modeled in 3D. Actually it looks a little like a motorcycle tank with a water spout attached to it. But give me time. (time? What is that?)
Ugh. My eyes are crossing. Time for bed.

return to the original jedi

Song: She Talks To Angels – The Black Crows
Quote: Remember me Jen. We may meet in another life, but not again in this one. – urSu the Master of the urRu, The Dark Crystal

GRRRR! I Say. GRRRR! Now he’s gone and done it. This is the last straw! George Lucas has gone and changed Return of the Jedi. AGAIN! (I just noticed this now because I've fallen asleep evertime I've watched it until yesterday) I got over the other changes in the other movies, heck I even liked some of them. (Gredo shooting first was a really hard one to accept, I’m still working on it.) But now he’s gone and stuck Hayden Christensen at the end of Jedi. C’mon. was this really necessary? Couldn’t he have released the original versions on DVD too? I would have bought both versions. Think of all the money he could have made, because there are tons of idiots out there like me who would have bought both.

In other DVD news, I just got Jim Henson’s The Storyteller Greek Myths. I have the original Storyteller DVD. I remember the series from when it was on TV many moons ago, but I don’t think I ever saw the greek myths.

Woo Hoo. I have finally stepped into the digital world. Digital camera world that is. This is the first camera I’ve ever bought. Funny thing is, nobody wants their damn picture taken. So I ended up taking a pic of the boy’s dog.

Time to do more homework.

night calls

Song: Somebody Turn That Radio On – Ronnie Milsap
Quote: “Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy” - Finesse Mitchell.

At 2:45 in the morning the boy called me and asked if I wanted to go to Cabelas. Of course being that I was awakened from a sound sleep, I was unaware of the time. Actually it took me a while to figure out the noise that I was hearing was my cell phone ringing. I can imagine what I sounded like considering I had just gone to bed about two hours earlier. I seem to recall him laughing at me though. When I hung up I reset my alarm for an earlier time and went back to sleep. Unfortunately resetting an alarm when you’re half asleep is not a good idea. I actually ended up resetting the alarm for the pm, instead of the am. Luckily I woke up only twenty minutes later than I had wanted to get up. So, I rushed out the door; amazingly I remembered everything I needed for the day. Got to the boys house and we headed off to Cabelas. He works in a freezer so he wanted battery powered heated socks and gloves. He found the socks, but not the gloves. He also bought a battery powered vest.

He had already eaten, but I was hungry so I had breakfast in the restaurant that they have in the store. Not bad. Eggs were a little watery (they were keeping everything warm by steam), but otherwise everything tasted good. After I was done eating we headed back to his house and not long after we got back, I went to class and then to work.
Now here I sit, kinda doing my homework. I’m so damn tired.

While reading some blogs the other day I found an entry on a blog called Geek Pride that was interesting to me. It was just a list of the 20 things this person wanted to do before he died. I thought it was a great idea… I don’t know if I have 20 things for this list, but I know there are a few things I would like to do.

1. Go to Ireland
2. Meet Brian Froud and have a long discussion about everything and anything
3. Learn to drive a motorcycle
4. Travel across the US in Volkswagen Bus (or maybe something more comfortable)
5. Own my own home; with at least two bathrooms and a room for a library
6. Have a dog and cat; and not the allergies
7. Learn how to play guitar
8. Learn a martial art
9. Get my PHD

Hmmm… can’t really think of anything else right now. Maybe I’ll add more later.
Now I really should get back to my homework. Yippie.

To Get Me To You

And if I could I wouldn't change a thing

Wouldn't change a thing baby

Because your love was waiting there for me

Waiting there for me baby

And I don't regret the rain
Or the nights I felt the pain
Or the tears I had to cry
Some of those times along the way
Every road I had to take
Every time my heart would break
It was just something that I had to get through
To get me to you
To get me to you

Banishing Old Ghosts

Movie: Love Actually
Quote: My life was lonely, broken and blue. Then I found love when I found you. - I found love (when I found you), Kenny Wayne Sheppard

He doesn't deserve as much thought as I've been giving him lately. I've been thinking about him a lot lately, and then on Saturday something happened. I thought about not even writing about this incident, but it was an event in my life and that's what this blog is all about. So here we go.

On Saturday the boy and I went to a benefit that his friends' band was playing at. We were hanging around afterwards helping to clean up their gear. I was outside when my phone rang for the fifth time. It was one of my friends. She was at a poker tournament and she said to me: "Here, somebody wants to talk to you." As soon as I heard his voice I knew who it was. The story of him and I is too long and too complicated to go into. My friend didn't know how badly he had hurt me, and I don't think he even knew how bad he had hurt me. As soon as I knew who it was, I wanted to hang up; I didn't though. I remained calm and talked to him. I don't remember exactly how the conversation went (which is odd for me, I can usually remember most conversations verbatim) but at some point he asked me what I was doing that night and I told him I was out with my boyfriend. I could hear the shock in his voice when he said "boyfriend?" I said "yes, boyfriend, somebody I know didn't want the position, so I had to find someone else" He knew I was talking about him. Score one point for me. We talked a wee bit more and then hung up. I was so shook up that I started to cry. I walked away from the building to try to calm myself. At that very moment the boy came walking out and saw how upset I was. I told him how I had just gotten a phone call from someone that I had never wanted to hear from again and said that "he" had just shook me up a little. I think the boy figured out who I was talking about. I had already told him about this other guy and what a fool he'd made me feel like, but I don't think that the boy had realized just how much this other guy had hurt me. Actually as far as I know, only Hawke and my mother knew how hurt I'd been. After I told the boy what had happened, he put his arms around me and asked if I was ok. I looked up into his face and said "I will be" and then I kissed him. And you know what? I really do think I am ok. I had always said that I wanted nothing to do with the other guy, but the way things ended with him, I was never really sure about how I felt or how I would feel if I ran into him. I know now after talking to him, that I really don't want to be bothered by him at all. I will always have those memories, but that is all they will be, memories. I have a wonderful man in my life now. Someone who loves me, and isn't afraid to tell me that he loves me. He loves my strength, and my independence (which I believe were some of the other guy's issues). There was absolutely nothing complicated about falling in love with him. It was the easiest and most natural thing I've ever done. And probably the best thing I've ever done too.

Let it... rain?

Song: Highwayman – the Highwaymen
Quote: I looked at the face that was at once so familiar to me that I knew every curve and line, and yet, I was still surprised sometimes to look at him and realize that he was mine. That this was my sweetie. As if he was too good to be real, and I kept expecting him not to be there. – Incubus Dreams, Laurell K. Hamilton


Greetings from the North Pole!
Well, maybe not. But it sure is cold outside. And rainy. I was just at a friend’s house and we were watching the movie Elf. This is not my usual type of movie, but I saw it last year when it came out and actually enjoyed it.

Cripes, I don’t have to be doing homework tonight, but here I am on my computer. I think this is an addiction. I really do.

Breakthrough!
My animation for my 3D class is almost done and I love how it’s turning out. It’s less than 30 seconds long and it ONLY took me about eleven hours to make it. The great thing is that I’m finally starting to enjoy working with the program. I was a little worried there for a while. Plus, I now know that I can create the backgrounds for my Flash animation in 3DS and render them out to Flash. So that will make my life easier too.
All right. I’m tired and I want to read a few chapters before I go to bed.

Night.

bad jokes, homework and a good-bye

Song: Bionic – Emily’s Toybox
Movie: The Incredibles
Quote: (tie)
1. Did you hear that Willy Nelson got hit by a car? He was playing on the road again.
2. If there's one thing I've learned, it's never be the first one to stick your hand in a viscous material. – Friar, Van Helsing

I have so much homework to do this week. I know what a hard time I have getting my school work done, and I am constantly astounded and amazed at all of the “returning students”. These people have full time jobs and raise children. How in the world do they do it? (Of course they probably aren’t blogging while they should be doing homework.)

I got up this morning, my only day off, to do homework while the boy slept. I worked for about four hours and then headed out to wake up the boy so that we could go to the movies. We saw the Incredibles. It was… well… incredible. Te he – couldn’t resist. No, really, it was really good and funny. However the one thing that I’ve noticed ever since I started taking all of these 3D animation classes, is that all I do is watch movies and think “wow, look at that texture mapping” or “I wonder if they used a flat plane and a bump map to do that”. Definitely not what I used to think about when I watched movies.

After the movie we went back to his house and fell asleep watching Van Helsing. Not the first time I’ve seen it, but what a disappointment that movie was. I was so excited to see it and it pretty much sucked. I don’t mind campy movies, but I do mind it when the campyness is unintentional. And the special effects… oy.

At 9 we woke up and he went to work. And now here I am again at my computer. I’m scanning pictures for my next homework assignment. It’s something I can do and blog at the same time. I have Tuesday and Wednesday’s homework done but Thursday and Friday’s homework is going to be a bitch. I’m going to finish scanning these things and go to bed. I know I’ll regret it tomorrow, but I’ve already done about 6 hours of work today and about 3 last night.

On a sad note, at least to me, the blog Where the Wild Thoughts Are, is no more. I was truly saddened to see this blog go; it was one of my favorites to read. To the author: May the force be with you.

It's not a tumor!

Song: Nobody Falls Like a Fool – Earl Thomas Conely
Movie: Saw
Quote: So eleven hundred men went in the water. 316 men came out. The sharks took the rest, June the 29th 1945. – Jaws

Today’s quote was inspired by the blog Where the Wild Thoughts Are. The title from the blog was ‘ganna need a bigger boat’ and it made me think of all the great lines from the movie Jaws. I.E. “It’s only an island if you look at it from the water.”

Went to the doctor on Monday, had my tumor removed. It didn’t hurt of course; the Doc numbed the area before he started. But even though there was no pain, it was still really freaky because I felt everything he did. I knew when he cut me, when he (gulp) scraped the crap out, and when he stitched me up. Can I just say: ichy. Oh and speaking of ichy, I saw it… I didn’t mean to, but they had to send the tumor to be biopsied, just to make sure, and they had put it into a little jar thing. I didn’t want to see it, but they had set it on top of my file and I looked before I realized what I was looking at. That was a big yuck. But, anyway, now I have three stitches on the top of my head. At least until Wednesday. I have two other tiny tumors on me head, and I think I’m going to get them both removed before they get any bigger.

Can I just say, the trip to the doctor notwithstanding, I had a wonderful week. I didn’t do anything amazing or out of the ordinary, but it was a wonderful week. The boy came back from vacation and we spent Monday afternoon together. We saw the movie “Saw”. It was so good. I didn’t think it was very bloody-gory but the implied gore was there and just as creepy. And the plot… I don’t see how anybody could guess the ending. I repeat: SO GOOD. Then on Thursday night (7 pm ish) while driving around, killing time, before we went to the bar, we ended up parked in the woods. Honestly we didn’t do anything but fall asleep in each others arms. Now, it’s a little hard to cuddle in the cab of a truck but after a little bit of configuring, we ended up with me sitting so my back was to the passenger door and head resting on the seat, with my legs stretched out along the seat. The boy laid on top of me with my legs wrapped around him, my arms around him and his head on my chest. Now as I re-read what I just typed, that doesn’t sound very comfortable for either of us, but believe me, it was. It was so different from when we sleep together because he’s so much bigger than I am and normally it’s him that is holding me. He was sleeping soundly and I was just dozing in and out, but I could have stayed like that for a very long time. The best part was when he was half asleep and snuggled down into me and whispered I love you.
Oy when did I turn into such a hopeless romantic?

Animal farts... er... facts

Song: Far Behind – Candlebox
Quote: An angel does not stop being an angel merely because they fall from grace; their wings are not so easily taken. – Incubus Dreams, Laurell K Hamilton

I have discovered Mahjong. What a wonderful time waster this is. A girl who sits next to me in one of my classes was playing it on the computer and being that I was so bored in class I decided to give it a try. Now I’m addicted. I even borrowed on of my mom’s game discs so I could play offline. Great… Just what I needed. Another distraction from homework.

The boy comes home this morning. He said he’ll be home around 2 or 3 am. I can’t wait to have his arms around me again. Unfortunately I won’t see him till tomorrow afternoon. I am finally going for that minor surgery. The original date had been in October, but it was moved to November. I hate going to the doctor, or dentist. So I’m pretty freaked out right now.

Everybody ditched me on Halloween. A whole bunch of us were going to go to a bar, but some people ended up working later than expected and some people just didn’t call. So I ended up watching Animal Planet and learned tons of new useless facts. IE: When the coral snake is threatened… it farts to distract it’s enemies. I sat there and watched this and thought, well gee, that’s something I will never ever forget. Oh, the wonders of television.

All right, I’m tired and I need to go to bed so I can worry about tomorrow.